I know I’ve talked to many about this experience but it occurred to me I hadn’t really written about it. So here I go!

About nine years ago Emily and I embarked on the journey of Breakthrough. As anyone we were a bit apprehensive about it. I mean come on, it’s called Breakthough. This doesn’t exactly give you the impression of things being easy. They weren’t. I have no doubt that this time helped  me to identify some of the crap in my life that I knew was there and I knew was keeping me stuck . I just wasn’t sure what to do with them. During Breakthrough I learned some real tools to help me see lies for lies and truth for truth as well as fun for fun. This was hard work but necessary work if I really valued myself or those I love. My family of origin, while loving the best they knew how, produced a very unhealthy environment. I also had wounding from school and social groups. As I’ve heard said “no one gets through life without scars” and I was no exception. During BT  I began the journey to really trust myself.  Also, I learned that my mistakes did not and do not define me.  I would have to say this was the best experience next to marrying and having kids!

Life hurts, it just does. I  don’t care who you are or where you come from, that is the case for you as well. It may hurt right now. Does it for you?

Flash forward seven years later. We have three kids. I am doing well at work. But life had been losing something for me.

A few years back we lost a huge aspect of our community when our former church in essence got rid of our community. This was such a beautiful, life-giving and full of heart sharing group.  It was a hard time and we tried to start up a church but it didn’t work out. Emily and I were busy having kids and slowly disconnecting from some of our friends who really knew us. This had negative effects I did not realize at the time. We tried different church communities, almost always sensing something was missing. We finally settled at the community we attend now.  An open, inviting church that we have grown quite fond of. There was still a disconnect within me. In the past couple years I wore a good mask (so I thought) and fell into negative thoughts and behaviors that were  dragging me down. I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t measuring up for myself and to what I  unfortunately thought was God. I cognitively understood and remembered I was loved unconditionally by God but my shame wasn’t allowing me to internalize it. This led to repeating negative behavior and being afraid I was a screw up in my very core. I knew I was feeling defeated and life felt stuck.

In early 2011, after talking with Emily and friends who knew my heart I decided to do BT again. I am so thankful I did. Breakthrough does not fix you! However, it has helped me to reconnect with my heart and has given me the tools to be the courageous man I know in my core I am, so that I can continue to journey down paths of healing. This time was priceless to me because I have really gained the healthy outlook to go down those paths that seem scary but are where healing continues to be occurring.  I know now the very important value of community and friendships that understands this journey of wanting healing and wholeness. Wholeness is what we are made for, that inner ache within you that wants more is not lying to you, it is the evidence that more truly does exist. I refuse to settle any longer and this life is far too short for that! I feel more awake and alive than I have been for a while. I am following my dreams and my heart, before BT this recent time I can’t say I was fully engaged in this. It is hard to follow you dreams and heart when you feel stuck!

The journey continues, thankfully. Today when the rough issues from my past resurface or the disappointments of the here and now, I have tools to dive into the pain and deal with it instead of swallowing it. The greatest gift I am beginning to see more and more is that as I have embraced healing then I am able to shift focus from myself to have a  healthy other-centered love while maintaining who I am. I do not need those I love to define me and so I am able to love them much more freely. I still have issues and hang ups,  I am okay with this because I know they do not define me. I am on track for a life that is a heroic adventure rather than a tragedy.

So that is  Breakthrough to me. I do want to say to my friends that may have a fear that this is a “religious” thing. My experience is that it is NOT, far from it.  It does come from a christian understanding but I don’t think it is at all what you fear. If you feel a pull in your heart to dive in and get the most of your life, listen to it. You deserve it. Give yourself the freedom to heal.

Please feel free to email, call  or facebook message me if you have any questions or would like to talk.  The next Breakthough is right around the corner

http://www.heartconnexion.org