Archive for July, 2011


I have worked in the same trade for sixteen, almost seventeen years. It is wild for me to grasp that at times. I really know my stuff and there is little I come across that I can’t figure out. Of course, I am always learning but that is the nature of everything. I think about what I do an almost unhealthy amount of time. I believe I allow my job to cause me an unreasonable amount of stress. I am coming to realize this is could very well be self-inflicted. I work for a very tenacious successful owner who dreams of making his company the best, he has an answer, a confidence and an air about him of a person who knows what he wants and will pursue it no matter what. After sixteen years I am starting to see in part why I am not satisfied  where I am at at work. This is not my dream.

How is it that this happens? I think it can be a subtle trap. You have a good job with a company that has a good vision for what they do and think this is what I am supposed to do. The demands of someone else s  dream can be exhausting. Granted the drive of any career can be exhausting. I am coming to a place where I know this job will not satisfy me. I know what I do and I will confidently and do it with integrity. Part of this integrity is me deciding I will not live and die in another man’s dream. This involves me learning to relax when no one else around me would choose to. At this point it is the only healthy choice.

My dreams do not include plumbing. They are my family and living functionally and whole. Being a loving husband and father. Loving people around me. Building genuine friendships in community.  Having fun along the way, before I retire!  I also want to counterstrike against the negative messages that are meant to be the good news but leave people feeling shamed and excluded (stay tuned on this front). These are just the tip of the iceberg but I know it is where Father wants me to live.  So, when my boss ticks me off or I get stressed at the nature of my career at this point I am going to choose to be thankful for my job and own the fact that I am not responsible for someone else’s  dream, do what I know I can and let things fall where they may. Their junk is not mine and I am learning to not pick it up as if it is. This is my life. This is your life. Live it from your heart and don’t carry another persons dream as if it where you own.

What is it that God really wants for me or from us? It has been an issue at different times in my journey. Is it about doing or being? I am convinced in my heart it is much more about being who I was created to be. There are lies I have believed and struggle with from time to time that say I am not okay just as I am. It is interesting to me that in the modern church in the west we will sing “Just As I Am” to make “converts” and then immediately switch it up. You are no longer acceptable just as you are. What happened? Was it a holy bait and switch?

We have become so formulaic in our understanding of our relationship with God. Even after starting with the phrase personal relationship with Christ, we immediately pile on the rules. Such as; Bible study, prayer, quiet time,church attendance, giving  and acts of service. Not one of these things are bad or negative in and of themselves at all. I actually enjoy all of them. A problem I see is that prescribing these as the way to grow leads to religious actions that can become devoid of relationship. What if we chose to believe the New Covenant that His Spirit has been poured out on all flesh. Including ourselves. Could it be that abiding in the steadfast love of the God who has knitted us together is the best way to grow. I know it is human nature and I love tools as much as anybody. I just ache at times for us all to know we are in an eternal embrace that started before we ever even thought about it. If a person doesn’t want to acknowledge the embrace that is their prerogative and so is the hell of self-reliance. I know very little of my growth has come from the traditional western tools alone. I want to experience it. I believe God wants us all to experience it. Grace and love CANNOT just  be on a page or taught from a pulpit.

I am coming to understand God wants me to be  the me he created me to be no more, no less.  He wants me to live loved and love life and share that joy with those open to it.

 

updated 7/10/11

A slight oversight Father helped me become aware of on these thoughts. Growth does require work. There aren’t too many short-cuts to growth.  It is not something that simply happens. It is hard and not always pleasant but well worth the challenge. I believe the hardest work is  dealing with the life we have lived and are living  in understanding. Our relationships to our families, friends, community and ourselves. The work does not give you the value, your are already of more worth than what I believe we can conceive right now.  Wholeness is what leads to experiencing true life. That is just not what we have typically been sold. To be complete in Christ. To understand my junk and learn to let it go. To be me and like it.  Just as Father does.  To be human, this is what I believe  God wants.

 

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