Questions to Contemplate

What is it you really want?

Do you ever think about it?

Do you place unrealistic expectations do you place on yourself in regards to obtaining what you want?

What unrealistic expectations do you place on your dreams?

Are there lost dreams of your youth that are hard to let go?

Do you believe in dreams?

Do you dream for yourself?

Do you dream for yourself today?

How would it feel to dream for yourself today?

What does Father, Son and Spirit dream for/in you?

Listen.

What is it you really want?

What keeps you from pursuing that which you can?

Merry Incarnation!! :p Merry Christmas!!

Busy, busy, busy. That is the story these days. Even when we get times of reflection on the meaning of Christmas I find it strange that we never really dive into the incarnation. The church it seems avoids it, I think it has been labeled boring and too “theological” to dive into.  The tendency has been to say ‘we are so thankful for God’s gift of Jesus at Christmas, to make a way to us through his death and resurrection’ or we just look at the story itself. All of which is inspiring and good. I just sometime wish it was called Incarnation Day, I know I see things a bit different Here I go!!

John 1:14 The Message

The Word became flesh and blood,
and moved into the neighborhood.
We saw the glory with our own eyes,
the one-of-a-kind glory,
like Father, like Son,
Generous inside and out,
true from start to finish.

The Word became flesh and dwelt among us.

This is what makes God real and unreal to me at the same time. It defies all logic but not all love. If Jesus wasn’t how God revealed his heart for humanity how could we ever come to trust God loves or even likes us?  His incarnation was  about being identified with us from beginning to end. I know I have tended to look more at Jesus as a God- Man who already knew everything from the get-go , not a poor man born under an occupying force who preached homeless for 3 years and knew life inside and out from the human side. Laughter, sadness, anger, joy, pain, being corrected, loss, hurt, dysfunction, injustice, and love -he experienced most likely almost every emotion you have. He didn’t walk around already knowing everything, He knew what Father revealed to him. As a toddler do you think he was fluent in french or was he still learning to speak his native language?  What is he to you? Is the Super-man who never made a mistake and became human just to judge you? Or is He the ultimate Brother wanting to show you he knows,loves and understands you?

God became human. The human, our representative for all time. That is so amazing to contemplate. This was the beginning of “God with us”. He wants to be identified with us. This is so central to our faith! Jesus became man and still a man today, as much as he is the exact image of God, fully God and fully man. He also carries us into the very heart of God. God is on our side!  As we look at the nativity and remember the humble way He was born lets remember this was the 1st part in His identification with us, without which it is harder to grasp the fullness of the gospel. This to me is the celebration of Christmas. God with us, in Jesus.

I hope in the busyness of  this season we are able to enjoy the pure beauty of our shared humanity in our family, friends and worship.

Merry Christmas

Positive or Negative Outlook

For some reason I have been cluing into the negativity that seems so prevalent. How do you see the world and people around you?  I think it stems from how you answer that question. Being raised in a somewhat traditional religious home I can see how this happens to a lot of believers but the skeptics also seem to focus on the negative in life as well. I think this is part of what is missing in the how the Good News has been proclaimed. If this Christian journey primarily teaches things such as; the world is evil, you are evil and your only hope is escape to heaven (with a small percent of humanity at that)  I think it falls way short of being any sort of Good News. Is there any hope for the here and now?

I think there is hope now and we can choose to have an optimistic outlook if our allow our eyes and hearts to be opened to see people. Lets look at the “evils” I addressed above. The world does truly have evil systems, governments, business’, criminals and on and on. The world is also full of love in the form of teachers, charities,social justice activists,counselors, 12 step groups, hospitals, as well as many faith-based organizations that are bringing about the Kingdom of God on earth as it is in Heaven.  The blanket statements on the evil of the world just don’t hold water. We live in a mixed bag that is beyond our control. It seems our preconceived notions about the nature of things greatly impacts whether we see the good or the bad.

The rough thing to me is if I take the position of judge when I encounter anyone on a personal level. First off, I choose to operate from the position that every single person is unconditionally loved and liked by God. Jesus put on flesh and blood to come to understand humanity more fully and today he is still a man who is on our side, each and every one of us. If then this is true, why would I have any right to assume the worst of anyone? Do I even know their story, their struggles, or background. Even if I do I still have not experienced their life for them! Is it possible to give the benefit of the doubt or is that just naive or an overly idealistic view of humanity?   In my past it was very easy to assume the worst because I assumed the worst in me. How easy is it for you to not assume the worst in someone if they don’t take seriously your thoughts or advice?  That is a struggle for me at times. For the record if there is a clear wrong being done to you, you know it. Stand up for yourself and make a healthy choice. I am speaking more so to a general negative judging attitude that almost seems unconscious to many who practice it. What would your life look like if you let people own their own journey and loved them anyway? What would your life look like if you could believe things can get better or in ‘churchy’ language things can be made new?  I believe this is Good News, to trust that everyone (includes myself) is loved and wanted and this creation which God originally said was “good” is being redeemed. Right here, right now.

I do have a romantic, idealistic worldview. However, I do see the pain and suffering in this world. My heart grieves for these things. I do believe when we see people as the precious creations they are then we are able to move more decisively to right the wrongs. To make a right judgement on the wrongs in this world and work to make it right.

 

 

 

 

A thought Father gave me at church yesterday.

We were singing a song that said “to know and follow hard after you” in it. The song gave me a funny feeling and image of God playing keep away with us,  but he is the one keeping away. So we chase him. Then I had the image of the father in the story of the two sons (prodigal son,Luke 15) running and falling on his son in a big bear hug. That is when I caught the image of what I believe this whole Christian side of the Trinitarian journey is; we are following after the one who is chasing after us and we get caught up in this great dance of Father, Son, Spirit, ourselves and whoever else is hearing the music. Also, we get to help tune the ears of those around us to the music that has always been playing.

I am learning to grasp the both/and side of my journey rather than either/or. In the past I would get grouchy because of the “to know and follow hard after you” part of the song because my narrow yet inclusive view had all the emphasis on what God is doing, as if there is no value in following him. Following the One who is embracing you allows you to have confidence in this journey and  also time to relax and simply enjoy being who you are. It also allows for growth and not simply coasting. I love that I don’t have to worry about “getting it right” but get to enjoy the music along the way.

 

Political Journey

I grew up in an opinionated home. I remember hanging out with my dad watching The Mcglaughlin Group and becoming fond of politics. It was so passionate,  the arguments, opinions and partisanship. It seemed to affect almost every facet of our lives in some way or another.  I remember my 6th grade teacher describing Democrats as wanting change and Republicans as wanting to keep things the same. This definitely made the dems seem more inviting. As I look back I tend to think this may not have been a very balanced way to teach a kid what was going on politically. The issue of abortion was only taught from the point of view of a  women’s body (valid view) and Pro-Life was only taught as infringing upon that right. Well, I was a fairly happy oblivious dem in the making as teen. I was headed down the hippie path which most likely would’ve made me lean into being a solid liberal. But alas, I moved to Cali right after the riots into the most racially charged area I have ever experienced. It was at this point I found some friends that were the polar opposite of hippies. It seemed out there that all races generally had a distrust for each other. Hispanics and whites got along okay but that was only sometimes.  Anyway this is the time where I began a shift in my opinions. There was general fear of the loss of white american culture in my circle of friends. I feel somewhat ashamed that I didn’t realize that white american culture is the dominant culture all around.  This general feeling led me way further to the right then anyone rationally accepts as okay.

Thankfully, I left Cali back to Kansas and then to Washington D.C. Job Corps where I was in an environment of 500 people with about 15 white. I firmly believe this was one of the best experiences in my life to learn to experience people as people and not a race. Hands down, life changing time.

After Job Corps I went back to Kansas and began working in new construction. I did pretty well and had left behind the worst of my belief systems. I began listening to some conservative and christian radio and had an awakening on abortion. I had been lied to when I was younger, at least that is how I felt. There was another side to this issue, it just did not have a voice.  So I began to have a vicious distrust of the government.  I was working really hard and didn’t want any of my money going to pay for things I felt were immoral. I was also very idealistic that I too, would one day be rich and then I would really be paying for things I disagree with or at least paying for mismanaged government bureaucracy.  I mean why do they get to waste what others have earned? It just didn’t seem fair. So I chose to defend the rich at every turn. I know they really need me, right?

As my journey went on I pretty much stayed on the conservative/republican path with much fear of liberals and the government. I think my views began to shift as I dove into in the blog http://soawakeandalive.wordpress.com/2011/08/09/the-shifting-of-positions/

I won’t rehash all that now I just thought I’d give some more background.

What is amazing to me these  days is my seeing the grey side of everything. I think the main thing that killed my being overly ideological is giving up the belief that those who disagree with me have evil intentions. I don’t know their heart or their journey to why they feel  the way they do. If I choose to trust that people have actually thought about what they are articulating then who am I to say they are just plain “wrong” on much of anything. What if before we looked at any issue we chose to not degrade the side we are not on? What if a person who doesn’t care for the Tea Party but refuse to call them a derogatory term. What if a liberal really isn’t a closet communist who wants to destroy capitalism and the american way of life ? What if we could assume that an intelligent conclusion can be made that is different than ours?

On the flip side I do see and believe in corruption. I would trust the government as much as I would trust Exxon. Why is it that it seems that good folks would rather trash each other for deeming one of these two more trustworthy than the other. Deep down I think we both know they both provide some good things but neither are worthy of our trust.

At this point I choose to be an idealist who wants what is best for all people. I choose to be guided by love, I don’t care if it is practical or even possible by worldly standards. I’m not the king of anything. I think it can be healthy to not take things so seriously. Most things are manufactured anyway and don’t really affect our day to day lives.  The bottom line is we are all right and we are all wrong at the same time. We see things dimly.

Settling Vs. Contentment

Am I the only person that struggles with the view of thankfulness/contentment vs. settling? Can this be a both/and statement rather than a battle? That is the struggle I hold in my heart almost daily. I believe it is divine tension. Is this tension something that will always be there? Are they truly opposites or is that just myself wanting to cling to not trusting what direction my heart is leading?

Let’s look at each. Thankfulness/contentment helps me to be more grounded in the fact that I have been so blessed beyond the greatest dreams of my childhood.  I’ll share part of this;  I have my beautiful soul-mate who I can trust with my heart, three beautiful children who challenge my understanding of what I think I know, a family of origin that loves me, loving friends and community,  a successful career of 17 years now, eyes that see people, active participant of healing my emotional, mental and spiritual health, a heart that loves,  roof, food, and on and on. Utterly  amazing! The story of my life is truly not a tragedy.  SO much, as I list I wonder how discontent could even creep in, but it does.  Could that be the way this journey works? Guess I know where to refer back come Thanksgiving for sure. Why not take some time and make a list yourself.

When I look at the list above I believe settling could have killed so much of it. I think it is a lie to think you’re ungrateful if you want more for your life. Why does it feel that way? Personally, it is easier for me at times to believe lies that make me into a bad guy for wanting  more such as; you should be happy with what you got, it’s better than you deserve. Father declares we are worthy of more than we are used to hearing. Why do we waste so much time telling God how unworthy we are? I know it is all on account of Him but if it is reality now why can’t we enjoy it?  You know, it is possible to want more and be a selfish ass about it but I truly believe in change and most people if they could cut through the crap and lies wouldn’t want to make selfish choices. There is also such thing as a healthy settling for the moment. For example; my job doesn’t jive fully with my heart but practical maturity won’t allow irresponsibility to simply abandon what has provided well. I choose to pursue dreams more slowly at times or possibly allow the dreams to be changeable.  You never really know what dreams you wind up laying down forever till the contentment swallows up the desire and by then it is not so much a concern anymore

Most of us at times choose to settle in healthy and unhealthy ways throughout our lives. My encouragement to you is to not be afraid to want more in this life. Don’t settle in the things that are important such as; your heart, your family and your relationships. Father wants more for you than you can possibly know. If we could only dream as big for ourselves as he does. Not settling has nothing to do with ungratefulness and everything to do with living fully who you were created to be.

Are You Listening?

4Again he began to teach beside the lake. Such a very large crowd gathered around him that he got into a boat on the lake and sat there, while the whole crowd was beside the lake on the land. ²He began to teach them many things in parables, and in his teaching he said to them: ³‘Listen! A sower went out to sow. ⁴And as he sowed, some seed fell on the path, and the birds came and ate it up. ⁵Other seed fell on rocky ground, where it did not have much soil, and it sprang up quickly, since it had no depth of soil. ⁶And when the sun rose, it was scorched; and since it had no root, it withered away. ⁷Other seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked it, and it yielded no grain. ⁸Other seed fell into good soil and brought forth grain, growing up and increasing and yielding thirty and sixty and a hundredfold.’ ⁹And he said, ‘Let anyone with ears to hear listen!’

10 When he was alone, those who were around him along with the twelve asked him about the parables. ¹¹And he said to them, ‘To you has been given the secret^* of the kingdom of God, but for those outside, everything comes in parables; ¹²in order that
“they may indeed look, but not perceive,
and may indeed listen, but not understand;
so that they may not turn again and be forgiven.” ’

13 And he said to them, ‘Do you not understand this parable? Then how will you understand all the parables? ¹⁴The sower sows the word. ¹⁵These are the ones on the path where the word is sown: when they hear, Satan immediately comes and takes away the word that is sown in them. ¹⁶And these are the ones sown on rocky ground: when they hear the word, they immediately receive it with joy. ¹⁷But they have no root, and endure only for a while; then, when trouble or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately they fall away.^{* 18}And others are those sown among the thorns: these are the ones who hear the word, ¹⁹but the cares of the world, and the lure of wealth, and the desire for other things come in and choke the word, and it yields nothing. ²⁰And these are the ones sown on the good soil: they hear the word and accept it and bear fruit, thirty and sixty and a hundredfold.’

Mark 4:1-20

Do you hear from God?  I am coming to a place where I believe He is always communicating with us. If you already are at a place where you consider yourself a christian, how have you interpreted this story? I had always seen it from a “big picture/ Gospel” message which I am not saying it is not. I just like to play around a bit and try a different take!

The beginning soil is on the path and seed gets stolen by the enemy. What does this mean? The path could be ground not meant for growth, closed off, beaten down and hard.  If a person is at a place in life where they have never dealt with any of their pain could this develop a hard spot? If negative energy is all that has been received, how easily can a message of love be received.  The Bible calls Satan the “accuser”. Is it possible that if you have only listened to accusations of never being enough, being defective or having to prove your worth that it may be hard to grasp an affirming message? Also, the  modern/post-modern message that God doesn’t really speak to people could make it hard to receive a message. It’s much easier to just say “read the Bible”.

The second soil seems to point toward those who hear the affirming Voice at first and then immediately get to work growing. No foundational watering or tilling the earth.  After some time they quite literally burn out and scatter.

The 3rd soil is the to me the American kind. The have it all soil. It is hard to listen to the Voice when the accumulation of stuff is the most important draw.

Finally, the 4th soil yields a crop more than anyone could hope for.

Well, as I said earlier I always thought this was simply a Gospel message parable but could it say more? How many farmers (sowers) plant once and its all over? Do they not continue to work the land? Tilling the earth, removing the rocks and pulling the weeds. I have never farmed but my impression is hard work and care go into yielding a crop.  In the past as I read this I would pray to be “good soil” and hope I wasn’t the “bad”,  sometimes I wonder if the evangelical roots that my young adult journey started in created this point of view. Never the less it was a valuable and beneficial time in many, many ways.

What if the Word is literally Jesus trying to speak to you and the different things in our life cause us not to receive it. What if this sowing is ongoing? I know I have felt myself be at all these places at different days of the week, in the same week!!!  I think it is possible to not cooperate with the Word being spoken by adding weeds, running a path, or adding new rocks to the earth.  Sometimes the earth doesn’t cooperate with the farmer. Yet, does the farmer give up?

How does it feel to have the dirt in your life cleaned up. What are your rocks? Why do we want to put them back after we agreed to have them removed? I believe this “sowing” is continual and ongoing without end. We humans have seasons of rocky ground and then good soil, we are the living farm God is growing. I am choosing to slow down and listen to the Voice of Him that there is no condemnation (Rom 8:1). I want to listen and let the seed hit the ground and stay. Allow the farmer to work the field even if it hurts.

You know the things He is wanting to work on with you. Don’t be afraid. Begin trusting and ask for help. Allow Spirit to love you and speak to you. The Bible calls the Spirit, Paraclete which is literally “defense attorney” (Thank you Richard Rohr!). He is on your side. Listen with your heart and allow yourself to grow!

How Little I Know

This is going to sound kinda funny from an opinionated blogger.  I really don’t know much. It is amazing how much my thoughts have shifted over the years.  Take a minute and flash back in your own mind 10 or 20 years and think about what you knew as fact back then that makes you shake your head today.

We were just watching America, The Story of Us on Netflix. Great show, check it out if you can. Anyway, episode 10 was about WWII. As I grew up I had always been taught that the USA had to drop the atomic bombs on Japan. It made sense to me for years. Then as I got a bit older, God showed me the value of all people and I began to second guess and view it negatively. Now, once again I am facing how little I really know about the “big picture” of things.  Approximately, 120,000 Americans died in the D-Day invasion to recapture Europe from Hitler.  Japan also would have required the same beach style invasion only with even greater losses. I think it becomes easy to become “holier than thou” about decisions made in the past when I wasn’t the one facing the same circumstances.

How often do we/I do this? Look back and think “man, they sure where messed up”.  I am afraid this speaks to my own arrogance at times. I have found that this is the case with so much. We all can be caught by a myopic view and it doesn’t even have to be about the past. Think about the last time you really disagreed with a different point of view politically. We/I can begin to assume the worst “they want to destroy this country” or “they want to take away my rights” and begin to think ill of those who hold those views even if the crap is all in our own minds.

This journey is teaching me to hold loosely to my opinions, hold fast to what I truly believe to be the truth and keep an open heart. I seldom know as much as I think I do but the beautiful thing is that this is okay! I do think healthy debate is great for us as a society.  My caution is to not think someone who disagrees with you is evil or wrong automatically.

This is not the easiest lesson for one as opinionated as me! I am sure there will be hiccups on the road!

Is Jesus Big Enough? (Warning :More theological than normal)

I want to blog a bit about Jesus.

I sometimes wonder if the modern church has made him much smaller than he really is.  I know we believe he is the unique Son of God and the second person in the Trinity but do we really grasp this? There are times it feels more like we are following the teachings of a 2000 year old philosopher who loves us and gave himself up for us. Could he be even more?

The Bible says that all things have been made by,for, and through Jesus. All things.  Think about that for a moment. Also, that “in him we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28)

It also says “he is the image of the invisible God” (Col 1:15)  He shows us what Father is really like. He said “no one knows the Father except the Son” (Mat 11:27) emphasis added.

I think it has been easier for me to look at the historical Jesus and think that is where most  of my focus should be when it comes to relating to him. One problem….I wasn’t there!!!  He was talking to actual people that may have had specific intentions. It feels detached and distant at times. Whereas the resurrected Jesus who lives in me by the Spirit feels much closer and relational.  Could he have specific intentions and things to say to me or you? I understand the value of scripture. I have wondered at times if scripture can inhibit us from hearing the very voice of God, due to the complexities of it all.  Jesus did say ” You search the scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that testify on my behalf. Yet you refuse to come to me to have life.” (John 5:39-40)

I am not saying that the historical accounts have nothing to teach us. I am saying the action of God becoming man to bring us into relationship is what I believe the heart of the Gospel is.  What does it mean to be a “Christian” or “Christ-follower”? Are we following the teachings 2ooo years old (yet timeless) of our Lord or participating in the reconciliation of the world to God through Jesus by the Spirit? Or is it mysteriously both?

I recognize not all folks have the trouble I do at times and understand things more clearly. I want to share the things I believe Father places on my heart…even if they appear to be extraordinarily unique! 

P.S. lots of Bible bingo, huh

The Shifting of Positions

Okay….. I’m going to go there.

My spiritual journey got reinvigorated for me right about 14 years ago. Around that time I was a partying young construction worker who loved my beer, my smoke and having an opinion on pretty much everything (some things haven’t changed,huh ). Every day I would pretty much  listen to christian and/or conservative radio. Unusual bedfellows I know.  Some things happened from this influence that I do not view as negative. #1 I began to see my need for more in this life. #2 My recognition of healthy lines for myself and society. #3 A desire and drive to own my journey.

I came from an environment that tried to instill such things in me but there was great inconsistency. So the lessons weren’t really learned at home.  Once I met and fell in love with Emily I really wanted to get “right” with God and start living “right”.  We started going to church and found folks that really helped us learn a lot.

Something I should mention is the main issues I learned from my christian radio where abortion, the “radical” gay agenda, saving “the family”, and getting people “saved”. Also, being christian and american were synonymous.

I began the journey of wanting to serve God and love him. Even asked Emily to move out before we married so God would “bless” our marriage. I still think it is better to wait to share everything till marriage but my motivation was mainly response driven. I thought my actions would increase God’s blessings rather than trusting that He loves and wants to bless me.

In church we learned a lot of religious stuff that claimed to not be religious. I learned a lot about who God is and who he says I am. I began a journey of trust and hope. Life happens. We experienced many health issues with Emily that stretched us. There was the thought “if we had enough faith, she’d be healed”. She experienced a remission and we all believed it to be legit miracle. This strengthened our journey for a while. Then a few years later her health issues returned. There are few answers in a situation like that. I chose to move forward in the journey and realize just maybe that God’s love, care and presence are not dependent on our actions. This was  a gradual shift of positions but one I am sure now that the Spirit wanted me to learn that God is still good despite circumstances.

Following that chapter I began learning more to trust in the love that God has for me and for all. I went through Breakthrough which really helped me connect my head and heart and soul with what Father had been showing me my whole life.  As this time was going forward all my certitude about things started to unravel.

Over the years up till now there are questions that the Spirit keeps placing on my heart and I still wrestle with today:

How much do I care for the “least of these”? i.e. social justice?

Does America’s interests matter to God above others?( That is one that has been hard for me.)

Does God love everyone? Even those I clearly do not?

Is all life sacred? Can there be a consistent ethic of life?

Is Jesus’ way just impractical in the “real” world?

As I began to wrestle with these things I felt challenged in my soul for my own feelings and thoughts in the past regarding HIV/AIDS so knowing Father had been awakening my heart, we decided to do the AIDS Walk Kansas City. It was an awesome experience. We raised a bit of money and found it good to experience people. The following year while raising money for the next walk I was talking to very successful “christian” co-worker, trying to hit him up for a few bucks. I believe the man was clueless. I told him my thoughts on how sad the church’s response had been to HIV/AIDS and the gay community in general, and this is what he said ” Yeah, I can give about $10, cause you know the majority are going to burn anyway” with a big smile as he said it. WTH! I was in shock and didn’t challenge it. Also, I never got the money.  This event with my co-worker was very pivotal for so many reasons. Such as; who are you to judge anyone?, there was no love, only arrogance on a subject that made him almost come across evil.

Faith, Hope and Love….The greatest of these is Love.

The Father cares far more about the heart. I am convinced that this is what Father wanted me to learn all along. It is interesting to me that the things of most value to me at the beginning of my journey had more to do with other people’s actions.  I don’t pretend to have answers. I have come to understand at this point that love is the lens I choose to look through. God is Love. I also have come to understand that I don’t need to protect people from God. By acting and living in love, I do not believe it is enabling people to “just do what they want”. I have my journey and they have theirs.

So, what I know I want is for Father, Son and Spirit to continue to shape my heart into who I was made to be.  All those years back I would’ve never thought I would come to the conclusions I am at now. My challenge to you is to give up your need to “be right” and allow your mind and heart to shift positions wherever Father leads you.

www.aidswalkkansascity.org